Grey

by nessa

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about

GREY is a multimedia piece. It has been a text, a live performance, and now a recorded album.

Trigger warning for sexual assault, drug abuse, self injury.

It’s not a mattress but it’s been heavy.

credits

released May 20, 2015

Songs/spoken word written by Vanessa Grasing
Produced by Delaney Hafener
Mastered by Bill Hafener

Vanessa Grasing- Vocals, guitar
Delaney Hafener- Bass, guitar, organ
Miiko Valkonen- Drums
Grace DeNatale - Violin
Joe Mineo - Additional vocals

With thanks to Ryan Homsey and Tristan Beckley for their support and criticism.

Album artwork by Will Norlander

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license

all rights reserved

about

nessa New York, New York

Nessa is a one-woman rock opera.

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Track Name: College Campus Attitude
Bit my lip so hard, we both drew blood
You say you wanna see me blackout drunk
It’s a warning label
That I just skim over

As simple as a casual hand astray
As small as an assumption of what I’d say
Little dominations
Is this human nature?

Oh, how typical
No self esteem, the self destructive
College campus attitude
What’s your trauma, dear?
Not gonna lie, you seem unstable
Why don’t we just float away?

You tell me that you’re looking for a better place
But nowhere inside you is safe to stay
Underneath the covers
You’re a nightmare dweller

A simple disregard for boundaries
A failure to get over rejection, please
What a combination
For a grand transgression

Oh, how typical
No self esteem, the self destructive
College campus attitude
What’s your trauma, dear?
Not gonna lie, you seem unstable
Why don’t we just float away?

And maybe there's a good excuse
You have for hiding all your truths
I see you're trying to run away
What're you trying to run away from?

Oh, how typical
No self esteem, the self destructive
College campus attitude
What’s your trauma, dear?
Not gonna lie, you seem unstable
Why don’t we just hop in bed?
Track Name: Send Pics
Winter fucked us over in the end
Trapped within our families
Only a reminder
Of every little failure
Separating us from all of them

Your messages are lighting up my phone
There's so many good things to read
And someday we'll go thrifting
How promising and thrilling
Still I wonder, what can all this mean?

How romantic
Are we lovers?
I hope you don’t find me naive
But I revel
In the sheer un-
certainty
Send me pictures
I’ll be lonely
When this fire dies. the faded memory
Will outlast you
It’ll keep you
As you were

Doesn't really matter what we are
I don't want to get in too deep
I'll be like my father
With photos of old lovers
Filling up the shoebox in my chest.
Track Name: Driving Into The Sun
Margaritas and screwdrivers, sake and wine
Cigarettes and cigars when we aren't inside
There's a lot you can do with a legal ID
Now if only this freedom were coming for free

I’m not in love with you, but I'm in love with with this
Driving into the sun
And if you'll be my Icarus
On your way to burn down

In the hookah bar kissing till waiters arrive
Giving head in the bushes around Central Park
On your lap in the subway, the Pelham bound 6
4am at McDonald's, a breakfast so sick

I had my fill

I’m not in love with you, but I'm in love with with this
Driving into the sun
And if you'll be my Icarus
On your way to burn down

The dawn cracks over union square, we’re hungover and cold
But at the end of every night you always drive me home.
Track Name: Coke /// Unrest
Won't you tell me what's going on,
Won't you tell me what's on your mind?
Won't you tell me what's going on,
Won't you tell me what's on your mind?

I'll be fine once we get there, I
Will be fine once I do a line
I'll be fine once we get there, I
Will be fine once I do a line

Or a couple lines

Pull me closer as the night permits
And envelop me in your despair
Can you really place the blame on me?
I'm not the only one who drinks to forget
Track Name: I Won't Watch
Boy, where'd you learn to believe?
To love the decay as much as the masterpiece?
To forgive such trespasses?

Wrapped in the sheets
You discover my plea
Scratched in the face of brown brick wall for you
To see

And skin finds no solace in cement
We start at the bone and claw with our restless hands
What marks have we left each other?

I'm not here to mine the bones and rest the souls of dead men
When your kisses numb my lips
I can promise you I will not watch
As you drive yourself over the edge

Oh I promise I'll stop
But what can you do?
You could lick at your wounds until your tongue is worn
Away

My hands are mosaics laid in red
You knelt at the altar in worship
But there are no saints in the cracks of my skin
And my pulse is as loveless as an unanswered prayer
Don't you tell me you're sorry or that you'll behave
I won't watch
As you drive yourself over the edge

And when I close my eyes I cannot breathe
You and all your
"Love"
Won't let me sleep

And I'm not here to mine your bones and rest your soul, you dead man
When your kisses numb my lips, well I promise you I will not watch
As you drive yourself over the edge
Track Name: Grey
Walking with friends, we're already drunk
You kiss me, or I kiss you, I don't remember at this point

“Listen, it's ok if we touch
Let me in, I promise I won't take much”

I don’t... I don't know how I feel about this

Pushed against
The bathroom wall
You're bargaining
Can't hear me at all

“You were the one who abandoned me, you know
Why don't we just go back to where it was before”

That doesn't change the way I feel and you don't seem to get what I meant by "breaking up"
I'm not in the right state of mind
Crossfaded and tired as hell
Oh well

Echoing
Off dorm room walls
You're taking over
I'm not here at all

His eyes were grey
His eyes were grey
His eyes were grey
But what is grey?
Track Name: Aftermath
You sweep it under the rug
Out of sight, out of mind
Yet on the backs of your eyes
It's written in light

How?

The words are perched at your mouth
Too heavy to hold
With all the weight of your sighs
You cannot expel

Burn the
pictures
Leave them behind
Get this
bullshit
out of my mind

You learn to cover your arms
And speak in hushed tones
For you are met with such silence
No one wants to know

So burn the
Pictures
Leave them behind
Get this
Bullshit
Out of my mind
Can't sleep
Can hardly breathe without this debate
A constant
carried
weight on my feet
And hindsight yeah it fucks me up
the red flags that I couldn’t spot
And how can I not blame myself?

I take the smallest revenge
Now you’ll never die
And isn't death what you wanted?
Track Name: Eyedrops
One in each eye
to take away the swelling
there’s not much you can do
there’s not much you can do
but wait
for the pain to go away

Standing over my head
With the drops in your hand
I was once unafraid to be vulnerable
Welcomed you into my bed

Make no excuse
Offer no defenses
there’s not much you can do
there’s not much you can do
to take
Back the grey you left me with

And what meaning is left
at the end of the trip?
We return to reality after
the chaos is gone, what is left?
Track Name: Have Your Way
So I had another nightmare as I was lying in bed
All the tossing and the turning wasn’t inside of my head
This isn’t right
This isn’t right

Self defense is not prevention but it’s remarkable how
I was feeling rather helpless, now I can take out an eye
Taking it back
Taking it back

Someone
Teach me
How to behave
When others
Break the
Rules of the game
When all is
fair in love and in war
You always
had to
have it your way

And if you want to be heard
Unless you scream, no one will listen
We have a negative word
To shout: No

Someone
Teach me
How to behave
When others
Break the
Rules of the game
When all is
fair in love and in war
You always
had to
have it your way